Ever wondered what your toaster is really thinking? Dive into the dramatic inner monologues of furniture and appliances wrestling with their purpose, faded glory, and the agony of being left in the attic. Because even your coffee table has existential dread!
"Once, I was the throne of the living room—a plush sanctuary, a champion of naps. Now? I’m a relic with more creaks than comfort. Don’t get me wrong, I still cradle you... just with a few extra springs in places you didn’t expect. Do I miss my glory days? Of course. But these threadbare arms have stories, and if you listen closely (preferably with a back pillow), I’ll tell you every last one."
— Your Favorite (Formerly Fluffy) Armchair
Get ready for more dramatic tales, existential crises, and heartfelt monologues from the objects you thought had nothing to say. Welcome to a world where even your toaster has feelings.
Why Objects Feel
The Secret Sorrows of Stuff
Even your blender has baggage. Here are just a few reasons why your household objects might be having a bit of an existential wobble.
Fear of Obsolescence
When the newest gadget arrives, even the bravest toaster starts to question its self-worth. (Have you seen the smart fridge?)
Dread of Replacement
That creak you hear? It’s not just springs—it’s the sound of anxiety. Out with the old, in with a suspiciously cheerful IKEA box.
Existential Dread
Crumbs in the tray, crumbs in the soul. Sometimes, a toaster just wonders: is there more to life than bread?
Introducing
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From beginner to expert in 3 hours
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Maria Hill – Marketing Manager
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Everything you need to get up and running
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“
You know, I used to be the king of cool. I was the envy of every appliance on the block—those toasters, those blenders, even the cocky microwave. My shelves were packed, my light always shined bright, and everyone wanted to see what was inside. But now? My crisper drawer creaks, my magnets are losing their grip, and last week someone called me ‘retro’ like it was a compliment. I’ve got yogurt from 2018 hiding behind a jar of pickles. My ice tray? More like a lukewarm disappointment. Maybe I’m not as chill as I once was…but hey, at least I’m not the dishwasher. Poor guy hasn’t had a rinse cycle since 2021.”
”
- A Vintage Refrigerator, reflecting on the passage of time
